Am I mad, bad or both?

I know I'm jumping into this after only reading eight pages of I am Me, I am Free by David Icke, but just this eight pages, and realizing how things in my life have led me to this one point, has almost given me a brain ennurism (sp?).

Okay. Eighteen years ago, I started a book about a guy and some close, like-minded individuals who go into space and found a new society. I was fifteen at the time. Over the years, those fourteen hand-written pages (on yellow legal paper) have turned into (what will be) FIVE novels and two or three spin-offs. One of which currently is with the publishers (see this link). Fifteen years ago, I deluded myself (or not?) into believing that what I was writing WOULD one day happen, and a bunch of people and I would travel the stars.

Well, life went on. I got into the Navy, and other things happened. But first, my epiphany (Epiphany Number One). It's a journal entry I keep:

I am currently reading a PDF e-book called "I am Free, I am Me" (or the other way around). In it, the author tells us that we have deluded ourselves to thinking that we are "free," when, in fact, we limit ourselves by what impressed system our environment has put upon us. Fear and conformity: you see it every day. I've only read five pages of this book so far, and he pretty much has it nailed on the head. Now, I *could* stand out and NOT be part of the conformity, but it's more than likely I'll end up in trouble.

I do not condone the action that I'm about to talk about, but I'm using it as a precedence: there was a man. He saw an "evil empire" and decided he should do something about it. He gathered a bunch of like-minded individuals, trained them, and sent them on their mission. Nobody really knew of this man at this time. Then, nineteen of his followers crashed four planes into the country.

I speak of Osama bin Laden. We Americans have most definitely labelled him as either "mad", "bad" or both. He is currently the face of evil not only to Americans, but now even to many Muslims.

There was another man. He was born a LONG time ago. He saw that the system was corrupt and decided he should do something about it. He gathered a bunch of like-minded individuals, trained them, and sent them on their mission. Not many knew of this person at the time. Then, he ransacked a temple, partied, defied authority, and preached in a way converse to common belief. And he got nailed to a tree.

I do NOT speak of Osama bin Laden. I speak of Jesus Christ. Here is a man--no, a Son of God--who was one of the FIVE PERCENT that see something is fucked up and do something about it. For his audacity, he got nailed to a tree. And became an icon for billions of people throughout recorded history. Those who truly have an ear will hear what the Spirit says to the masses. Not what the preachers say to the masses. They are (as the author of the aforementioned book said) the ones who enforce fear and conformity on all of us by preaching sin and eternal damnation. Sure, Jesus said that if you do this and that, there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. He wasn't saying it to scare us: he was warning us that every action has a reaction. He did a lot of things in his time, and when he was nailed to the cross, there was wailing and gnashing of teeth. He was NOT "mad", "bad," or a combination of the two. At that time, the religious leaders painted him as a face of evil, and the average Jew believed it.

He was the fucking Son of God!!!

Now, I'm not saying Osama is the Second Coming. There's a difference between preaching change and wisdom, and taking thousands of lives in the name of an angry God.

Anyway, back to my main point. We are all controlled by religion and government, and if we dare step out of line, we are either sent to jail or the nut house. This is wrong. There SHOULD be rules to make sure we don't hurt other people, and that there is some order (because humans, by nature, can be very cruel); but to repress free thought and free action (as long as it harms no one) is wrong.

How do you fix that?

YOU CAN'T. This world of ours, our planet Earth, is locked in this trap, and only a major cataclysmic event (or the return of our Lord and Savior) will fix this.

Or...

...This is where I had my epiphany...

...Xanadu.

What if fifty (or a hundred) people went and found a NEW world, colonized it, set up "rules" that protected the right to be truly free, then went to bring new people to this new civilization and trained them to be WHO THEY CAN REALLY BE.

What if.

I get this wierd feeling I really am being led down a road here. I dream of space. I go through hell, which tears down my current belief structure. I find this book. And so forth. Is it coincidence? Is it all in my head? Only God knows.

Deluded, still? Maybe. But I am a person who believes in synchronicities, and as such... well, here's the next entry, made only three minutes later:

So I asked for a sign and damned if I didn't get one. "Clarity" -> "Xanadu" (songs played), just when I asked. It became very clear what my mission is.

I must be like Jesus. Holy Crap! I must be Christ-like IN EVERY WAY, SHAPE AND FORM! I must now preach the Road to Xanadu, and what it entails. And I see this book I am reading now as the stepping-off point. How do we get there?

I'm really beginning to believe that May 22, 2005 WILL happen. Maybe not on May 22, but soon. I have to put this message out to the world while there is time. And, there isn't much of it. Will my word light the world on fire? Is this what I saw in TDIQ (The Dream In Question--a quasi-apocalyptic dream I had when I was four years' old)? Something way back when made me think this, in regards to my book.

I have become galvanized.

If I hadn't admitted I was gay... if I hadn't moved to Florida to that ass-crap job... if I hadn't moved to New York on a lie to myself and from Nathan... if I hadn't jumped into a relationship with Amber... if I hadn't just left home like I did this past Tuesday (despite the emotional cost)... I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD THIS ENLIGHTENMENT! This, alone, blows my mind. All my mistakes have led me to my Calling, and God has spoken to me at last. Very. Loudly.

Using David Icke's first chapter (and what he says therein, go read it sometime!) as an analogy, I shall be that nail, even if I am the first to be struck. I'm not sure where the road leads from here, but I realize that even if I don't go to space with a like-minded few, this wisdom needs to be spread, regardless.

We need to stop bullshitting ourselves.

Disclaimer: I am NOT purporting to be Jesus Christ! It does, however, say in the Bible to be more Christ-like; hence, my statement above. I know who I am. Do you?