"Why is the sky chartreuse?"
So was the name of this blog that I haven't posted to in almost 2 decades (and boy did I love to write in the passive voice back then, too). On a lark, I decided to look up my blog on the Googles because I was having ....well, thoughts. While doing my research, I read that apparently, the sky turns chartreuse just before a tornado.
Considering these stormy times, I'm not shocked at the irony.
This is probably going to end up somewhere between a confession and word salad, but here goes. I once fancied myself able to foresee the future, at least to some degree. I even had enough weird things happen (though never to the scale of my "predictions") to make me believe this delusion. As time went on, I had a *new* delusion of being able to fly away to a distant world with a small group of close acquaintances and restarting society. One more just, one a bit closer to perfect if such a thing were ever possible. I had a name for it. A special word. It began with the letter "X" and that letter dominated my thoughts. But the Dream didn't start out that way, except for the first bit. I was king of this distant world. I was the Main Character. New technology revealed to me by the heavens, and by God did I conquer worlds with it. As I got older and wiser, the Dream was tempered, more and more each time to become the vision of a just society that I envision to this day. And to add to the gravitas of my Dream was a dream I had as a mere child that haunts me to this day: of flying away from a world engulfed in flames, of being warned by a glowing man.
And that's not all. The Special Word was also supposed to act as a road sign. One that heralded significant change. One to follow to achieve the Dream, or at least get somewhat close to it. You all may have to google what a "blue feather" is, but it's essentially a symbol to watch for.
Of course, that was all high fantasy; but as a teen and a young adult I *believed* it could be true. As time went by and reality set in, a kind of despair and resignation took the place of belief and hope. I hadn't planned on the Dream *not* happening to me. That I should be relegated to the ordinary kind of life of the Everyman (side: the benefit of my path so far is to learn to not look down on the "ordinary life," but that's a post for another time).
Fast forward to today, and we can all think of another Man Who Would Be King who has this fascination with the letter "X". I've found myself quick to judge him on his reckless disregard for his fellow humans, all but to forget how only several billion dollars and some special K are really the only things to separate this man from the person I was only a couple decades ago.
Xanadu was supposed to come true in 2005. It's almost 20 years later and another man with his eyes on the stars and his brain in another galaxy apparently has his goals and the means to do so. And between him and our current re-President and his fascination with the Starfleet symbol, if I don't see the writing on the walls. That Blue Feather I mentioned, the watchword, Xanadu, has been popping up an awful lot in the past couple months.... Maybe it's some kind of form of delusional pareidolia*, and I'm just more perceptive to the Word lately; but I'm also quite observant, too, when I haven't seen it in...well...years. Not like this, anyway. Everything feels like it's building towards something, both amazingly wonderful and horrible at the same time.
If this is all reads as rambling, it's because it probably is. After the election, as a veteran and a die-hard patriot, I should've felt nothing but unrelenting dread. But instead, there was a weird feeling of hope instead. Even a bit of excitement. No, I'm not normal.
But, I swear to f*ckin God if he calls all his endeavors something along the lines of "Operation Xanadu," I'm bound to lose the last of what marbles I have left.
posted by xanadian at 10:25 PM
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